No Mirrors in the Corridors of Power

It’s a fact: there are no mirrors in The Whitehouse or Downing Street. You know how I know? Because if George Bush or Tony Blair looked at themselves in a mirror even once, they’d be out of Iraq and all over Zimbabwe like those cheap suits they seem to like so much.

Mugabe‘s actions are not those of a well man. Inflation is at 1700% and rising, life expectancy has fallen year on year to a World Record low of 37 years, emigration is at 20%, Industry is operating at 28% of capacity. AIDS infection hovers around 80%, with ~180K deaths leaving ~1.1M AIDS orphans, of whom ~160K are infected as well. (Figures from The Times)

His response to democratic reform is…..unilateral, to put if mildly. From destroying the homes of those who oppose him (Operation Murambatsvina) to beating his direct competition close to death (Morgan Tsvangirai), he has no regard for the consequences of his actions. The reasons for this are threefold; 1. He’s a great big loony, 2. He cares little for the opinions of the outside world, 3. He knows that the outside world lack the gumption to do something about him.

So if there are crimes against humanity “allegedly” going on in Zimbabwe at the moment, where are the Leaders of The Free World? Where are the UN peacekeepers? When are we going to descend on Mugabe and remove him from power, like we did with Saddam in Iraq?

I’ll tell you when. Never. And I’ll tell you why. Because he hasn’t got any Oil. And even if he did, the First World have a mental block about Africa. Africa is the land of brutal civil war, of famine, or disease, all the things that we in the First World want to avoid. The furthest we are prepared to go is to send aid and the occasional comedian to try and ease the suffering.

As Blair and Bush’s premierships near and end, you might think they’d want to go out with a bang; do something worthwhile, memorable, something the people could get behind. A quick evisceration of Mugabe and his cronies and be home in time for tea and medals. The problem is that One Man and His Dog went to Iraq and got / are getting their fingers burned, so they are less likely to want to burn them somewhere hotter.

But Zimbabwe doesn’t require Shock and Awe. Food and Medicine would do fine. All you need are some SAS / SEALS to blow him up, make it look like rebels and deny all knowledge. There are other ways to achieve change. I’d prefer the European “scalpel” approach to the American “M1 Abrams-up-the-ass! Woo! Get some!” approach. Hell, the CIA been pulling that shit for years. Wild Bill invented the OSS (and thus, indirectly, the CIA) to pull precisely that sort of shit. They can do it.

You could compare Mugabe to Hitler and Saddam Hussein. Go on, compare. The man even has a Hitler moustache, for Pity’s sake! You remember Hitler? He was big in the Thirties and, unlike Mugabe, he had a War and everyone was invited. He has probably caused as many people pain and suffering as Saddam ever did. Just because he is starving them, not gassing them, doesn’t make him a better person.

Mugabe’s uppence will come. It’s just a matter of time. The only questions is; how many people will be left in Zimbabwe to celebrate? Sadly, it will be typical that his time will be one of the last to run out. But all it takes is one bullet. Surely Team America can afford one measly 5.56 FMJ?

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